dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
