captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
