i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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