You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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