please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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