I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize