Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
