My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
