She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
