i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
