we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
