My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't special order awesome
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You made out with two different species that night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
