I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
