Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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