I'm drive I can fine osifer
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
