The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
