i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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