Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
