we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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