you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
