Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
