dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
