Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
