Don't make out with my wife yet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
