Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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