I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
