I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
