Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
