I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
