fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
