Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize