yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
