I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
