Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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