Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
