bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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