I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
