I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Two words: blizzard sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
