That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
