you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As shirtless as possible
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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