I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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