im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize