Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
