Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
