we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
