don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
