Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the liver wants what the liver wants
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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