She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
