she was so not down for the gang bang
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
