Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her vagine was all disorganized.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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