I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
