Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There r osticjed everywhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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