Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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