My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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