Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
