I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
