I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
