Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
