Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
