I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
