You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize