I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
