my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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