Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
