Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
