found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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