I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
