You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
