So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
