The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
