she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
