I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize