Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
