I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
