I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize