Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
