We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
