Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
